@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
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@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
@pizzajaynow: When someone yawns, I like to yell "Surprise Dentist!" and stick my hand in their mouth, which is fun because I'm not really a dentist.
@timdonakowski: Want the secret to success? Want 2x the energy without having to diet? Want to add 20 years to your life? Want less shoulder hair? Me too.