@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
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@WheelTod: I asked my neighbor to watch my dog for a couple of nights, as my neighbor's a private detective & I think my dog might be having an affair.
@TheBoydP: Protip: If your spouse says “Thanks for the help” when you didn’t do anything don’t reply “You’re welcome”.
@platinum2000: How do you tell someone that they're not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?