@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
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@LackOfShame: *Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear
@tomipuff: I would like a warm hound please "Excuse me?" A flaming puppy "..." Fire canine "Do you want a hot dog, ma'am?" Yes. A scorching pooch
@roadsidephil: Saw a "Toby Keith's I Love This Bar" that went out of business. Apparently he was the only one.
@SkunkRiverNPS: Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder.