@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
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@jonnysun: if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost
@ClichedOut: Chad: But I don't want to advertise escorts or be known for shady stuff. Craig: Then I'll start my own list.
@PinkCamoTO: Autocorrect changed "you flatter me" to "you flatten me" and shit just got really weird.
@DanMentos: [teaching my 3yo the alphabet] "Ok what's a word that starts with Q" cucumber "That's uh… I don't… let's pick this up again tomorrow"