@lecalabara: I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of my eye, but half the time if theres anything in my eye its a damn eyelash.
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@MsMosman: Blocked a someone with "Social Media Specialist | Online Reputation Manager" in their bio just to mess with their head. And it's douchy.
@rantingmd: googling ways to dispose of a body,mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
@LeannaZaiden: This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.