@caseytduncan: I thought Game of Thrones was a show about bathrooms
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@turtledumplin: Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
@trojansauce: [interview] "what's you're biggest weakness?" *whispers* "sorry i couldn-" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME
@ibid78: DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days