@kirstiealley: I thought I found a baby owl today that needed help. He was an adult pigmy owl who let me pick him up then clawed and bit me. He is free now
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@Milariou: It's all fun and games until you notice the "rocket" in your son's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand.
@jonnysun: ME: my ideal first date? well to me it dosent matter wat we do as long as we share a conection JOB INTERVIEWER: i meant how soon can u start
@Randazzoj: Instead of racism or misogyny, why not hate the people who wear pyjamas and slippers to the airport?
@robotmouthfarts: Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream.