@SomthinBoutSara: I thought I had a Twitter Crush but his wife thought otherwise
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@BuckyIsotope: Brought a ninja to a gunfight and it was really cool. Everyone clapped. Then they shot him.
@behindyourback: Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with.
@thatdutchperson: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes
@LeviathanPride: Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry.