@TheMichaelRock: I thought I had swag once, turned out it was just a mosquito bite.
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@AristotlesNZ: Watching Mickey's Clubhouse with my 4yo and even he's asking why the hell would a duck like Donald need a life jacket.
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.
@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.