@TheMichaelRock: I thought I had swag once, turned out it was just a mosquito bite.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dogwithaknife: white gays are out of control, this dude on grindr just told me he had brunch at 6pm. boy that is dinner
@JediGigi: Dang you got a good deal on your tattoo and the squirrel's so realistic. What? A portrait of your Mom? Dude I wish my Mom was a squirrel.
@handsock_butts: Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings