@roadkill3x: I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn't tell because it didnt have an anvil.
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@LilBlueBlood: Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@TheIronSherk: Learned today that it's about 12 min after realizing there's no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are
@jan_rtr: My kid is singing "Mac-n-cheese" to the tune of "Stand by Me." You guys just tried it, didn't you?