@BoozieEyedJoe: I thought I stepped on a Lego, but thankfully, it was just a rusty old nail.
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@LanieLalaBugs: Yeah yeah "Friends with Benefits" are cool but have you tried "Friends with Batteries"? Less drama!
@AnkCoupleTO: *first date* Me: Tell me more about you Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!
@Mothpete: I just sprayed hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray. Not dead... but pretty fly.