@KKAlThani: I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed.
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@OzCricketFan81: Special shout out to the CIA, who were pouring cold water on people BEFORE the "ice bucket challenge" made it cool
@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
@iamspacegirl: [mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*