@Darlainky: I thought I was smooth, sneaking away from my date to watch a YouTube tutorial on chopsticks, but all he did was ask in horror why I took my chopsticks into the bathroom.
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@ANNIEwayyyy: "Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows." ~me giving directions
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"