@DannyZuker: Thank you for saying, "I'm just being honest" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.

@Darlainky: *hands envelope to Santa* I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.

@IamEveryDayPpl: The word "karaoke" comes from an old Chinese proverb meaning: "go home, you're drunk."

@helenrclarkson: There is a drunk woman on the tube throwing After Eights at everyone and, in the most British way possible, everyone is pretending they aren’t being hit on the head by tiny chocolatey squares (which hurts by the way) and not looking at anyone else in the eye.

@blade_funner: I want to be the person in every McDonald's whose job is to sit on the sandwiches just before they go into the bag.