@JamieGreenlees: I thought it was impossible to do 450 push ups in a minute until I discovered lying
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@p_net: Her: Describe your ideal date. Me: I'd order an extra large pizza. Her: Interesting. What would I be wearing? Me: Oh, you'd be there, too?
@ch000ch: i'm wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly
@Cheeseboy22: My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play.
@CelebrityChez: Imagine creating a lifetime of mystery for someone by breaking into their home and replacing all their family photos with pictures of eggs.