@Twisted_Mettle: I thought landlady was the opposite of mermaid?
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@amselts: GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*
@tastefactory: My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring
@ThisOneSayz: Me: they're coming! 911: can you hide? Me: they'll find me!! 911: stay calm Me: the door is opening...help! "Mooom! We want a snack!!"