@Twisted_Mettle: I thought landlady was the opposite of mermaid?
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@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
@DurtMcHurtt: DATE: If you don't stop talking like a phone sex operator I'm gonna leave. ME: oh yeah? *low raspy voice* ..and then what are you gonna do?
@dubstep4dads: me: what do u mean my friend cant come in bouncer: theres no way hes 21 me: but- stuart little: dude its fine lets just go
@comer310: Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!