@ditchkelly: I thought my name was "Stop encouraging her" until I was 11.
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@doktorj: *lies down on waxing table Aesthetician(on phone): Cancel all my appts, check the moon phase and bring me a gun loaded with silver bullets.
@HuttonGray: Why don't they allow computers in prison? Is it because of the escape button? I think it's because of the escape button.
@truegritrumble: BOSS: I hate "yes men." ME: Yeah. Me too. BOSS: I like employees who speak their mind. ME: Yeah. They're the best. BOSS: You get me. ME: Yep
@DaddyJew: Cop:alright now repeat after me Me:repeat after me C:no not yet M:no not yet C:stop M:stop C:put your hands in the air M:put your h..