@iAmDelFreaky: I thought Snapchat was just a conversation with a sassy black woman.
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@Maxine12333: Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won't show in your pictures.
@panmidwest: ME: [repeatedly trying, and failing, to film a successful water bottle flip] DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: experts project extinction for this species
@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
@mybigblondelife: If they just built prisons out of the shit they package electronics in, no one would ever escape.