@mutedclamor: I thought this hot Egyptian chick was hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme. :(
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@joejwest: [hat shop] OWNER: Sir stop or I'll call the police UNICORN: [surrounded by damaged hats] No one will believe you
@VodkaThursday: When her friend visits, my 2yr old just wants to hug her a lot... & keep her away from the toys. I feel that way about my friends & my vodka
@WildeThingy: Teacher "Hi, why are you here?" Me "Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?" Teacher "Yes and you're off to a really bad start."