@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.
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@tweetarded1: Officer: "didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?" Me: "yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"
@blopt: My parents are middle aged. "Mine are to-" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] "CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"
@rockymomax: Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE