@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.

@robfee: Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?

@juliussharpe: I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs.

@SatansTongue: Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous "Obamanible snowman...?" *obama walks in* Everything okay joe? *nervously* "Uh yeah just fine"

@Daddy_dougie: I buy all my guns from a bloke called T-Rex.. He's a small arms dealer.