@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing

@ddsmidt: When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text.

@timdonakowski: "You got a friend in me" - your friend's girlfriend

@UltraPunch: It's impossible to say "mesh" without sounding like Sean Connery... Also you just tried it.

@T_Bonezzz_: When I'm at a restaurant and see 'secret sauce' on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me