@DadandBuried: I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook.
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@AllieGoertz: I asked my waitress if she thought me eating alone was embarrassing and she said, "I work at Cheesecake Factory"
@better_off_dad: 13: Can I have the password for Amazon? Me: Certainly, honey. Ready? 13: Yep Me: I-N-Y-O-U-R-D-R-E-A-M-S
@headway10: Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"