@Izianikapani: I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn't come back. How long do you reckon before it's safe to turn around?
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@Brampersandon_: BAD GUY (hiding in my back seat): *strangling me to death* ME: *choking but still embarrassed he heard me singing that shania twain song*
@The_Grant_Boldt: Girlfriend: "babe it's hot I need a fan" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]
@GaryJanetti: Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [fake yawns to put my arm around date but it's so i can pet her dog who is also on the couch]