@Izianikapani: I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn't come back. How long do you reckon before it's safe to turn around?
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@RandomAntics: Woman: Please send an ambulance, I'm having contradictions!! Operator: Ma'am, do you mean 'contractions'? Woman: Yes! No!
@bobvulfov: MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze
@XplodingUnicorn: Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves.
@PatSandora: NYCer: OMG you’re in the city?! Visitor: Yes! NYCer: I’d love to see you! Let me know if you end up on my exact block. I will not travel.