@GreenishDuck: I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states.
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@PetrickSara: The most horrifying thing I've ever heard: "MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!"
@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@RealSamHarwood: Unless you are literally the Dark Lord Voldemort then a snake is just not an acceptable pet dude
@50NerdsofGrey: 'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.' 'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.