@omgthatspunny: I told a deer joke once. It was very fawny.
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@DirtMcTurd: "Heres your social security card, you need it forever! Its made of paper, don't laminate it. Good luck." -The Government
@ColoChiver: When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
@iwearaonesie: the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions
@jonnysun: me: helo darkness my old friend darkness, who just turned 30 and is totaly self-conscious about his age: cmon man im not old