@Ndeshi_M: I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
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@WritePlay: ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING
@hollyadkison: Okay just listen. A movie about a dancing puppy called Step Pup and its sequel Step Pup 2: the Treats.
@InternetHippo: murderer: line up single file so I can murder you in the most efficient way me to the guy in line behind me: I like that he's a businessman