@SufficientCharm: I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won't stop using 72pt font.
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@DaddyJew: I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I'm just waiting for him to realize what that means
@withanewname: "Doc, it's embarrassing, but I don't feel sexy." "Try wearing the wife's panties." "Really?" "Yeah, the red ones with the lace are nice"
@3sunzzz: If a bear attacks me, I'm staying put. The only thing worse than getting attacked by a bear, is getting attacked by a bear while running.
@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.