@Brianhopecomedy: I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart.
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@StellaRtwot: I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Cold out night. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: NASA found LSD improved spiders' ability to make webs. Me: Fair enough.
@SamGrittner: I don't throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday's once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it