@LaziestCanine: I told my crush I liked them through a Spotify playlist
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as "Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."
@Ygrene: The best natural phenomenon is when a species lovingly accepts an orphan of another species, like how my fries have accepted this onion ring
@Jake_Vig: Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
@DadandBuried: I like having multiple children because that way if one doesn't happen to be screaming there's always another around to pick up the slack.