@LaziestCanine: I told my crush I liked them through a Spotify playlist
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@DBMaxP: Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?
@Elizasoul80: I don't have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
@sixthformpoet: If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.
@murrman5: [wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] "he looks like you" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though