@NurseMurderer: I told my date I was depressed. I added, "not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don't like you depressed."
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@mishakey: I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY.
@Dawn_M_: I never eat coins in front of vending machines because I don't want them to fall in love with me.