@DaHess1: I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community.
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@LeBearGirdle: *texting with girls* Her: I <3 you Me:[throws phone in disgust but picks it up and texts back angrily] you're less than 3
@thesulk: "All black people are Aiwa, and all jews are Technics." "Those are just stereo types."
@hayes_t_r: *puts on layers of running gear* *makes a ponytail* *laces up sneakers* *drives to McDonalds*
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*