@DaHess1: I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*
@KalvinMacleod: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: is this the man who robbed u *holds up picture of himself* ME: yes POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: give me ur wallet ME: dang it
@rzarosco: Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions