@H0TMessBarbie: I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said I should prolly not go to those places anymore.
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@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.
@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.
@ericsshadow: If Donald Trump becomes President, The rest of us should be able to just walk into any hospital & start working as doctors
@lovemydogduck: I WAS LIKE AND HE WAS LIKE AND I WAS LIKE AND SHE WAS LIKE (The speech impediment of the 21st century)