@Home_Halfway: I told my friend he's a bad thief. He's not taking it well.
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@awordforaword: Doesn't get paid: has popcorn and vodka martinis for dinner. Gets paid: has popcorn and raspberry vodka martinis for dinner.
@BostonFanJosh: Q: What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike? A: The place they are aiming at.
@QwertyJones3: Friend: I got a job as a carpenter, but it sucks. Me: No prob, just learn a few magic tricks and people will worship you as their savior.