@AntiJokeTyrone: I told my grandmother to act her age.... then she died.
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@pleatedjeans: [spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine
@SamGrittner: I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"