@AntiJokeTyrone: I told my grandmother to act her age.... then she died.
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@birbigs: Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.
@jrza84: Tried new pain medication, and an hour later 3 penguins in military fatigues walked into the room and told me I need to kill Mussolini's cat
@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@looktothepickle: Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people