@emilymaej: I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I'd just be dead. Smart kid.
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@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"
@daemonic3: If I were a ghost, I'd spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots' time.
@david8hughes: [leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting] I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.
@JermHimselfish: I leave notes around the house to remind me of things I need to do, like "Pick up milk" or "Pay gas bill" or "Stop wasting your life away"