@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
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@Pink: There's a woman at breakfast with a mink purse. I guess it's important to skin an animal alive to keep your credit cards warm... Idiot
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.
@Juicedballs: *Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*
@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.