@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@BeTheBoy: The first sign I wasn't going to be a doctor is when I called Anatomy "Skeleton Class." Sign two was failing skeleton class.
@markleggett: The worst part of being an astronaut would be eventually having to come back to Earth and deal with other people.
@RocketRankoon: Have I ever steered you wrong? *flashback to you at zoo in bear suit Me: They wont attack if ur dressed like one of them, now go get my ball