@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
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@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.
@BlindChow: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "Um ok, anything else on that?" Yes, one pepperonus.