@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
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@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen
@jayonguitar: If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again.
@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad