@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
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@Jennabear32819: A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!
@grantgirl2004: A large account followed me to thank me for a trophy through DM, then immediately unfollowed me. It must be exhausting to be Twitter elite.
@robdelaney: My plane has an entire high school wrestling team on it, so I imagine we'll crash in a forest & I'll become their King.
@WilliamRodgers: How to get a job on Game of Thrones: Q: Can you act? A: Sorta Q: Will you get naked? A: Yes HIRED!