@LuvPug: I told my therapist what you said and she's gonna call your therapist and you're in big trouble
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@genehunter1: If you don't have a bucket list, then put "make bucket list" on your "To Do" list. nnYou don't have a To Do list?nnnnJesus, what ARE you?
@TheTimeIGotHigh: "I was so high that I cried because I realized that snakes are just tails with faces"
@jake_likes_naps: [at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*
@Reverend_Scott: [blind date] (don't let her know ur a dog walker) "So what do u do?" Well, I'm like a- [13 dogs jump up on the table and eat her dinner]