@LuvPug: I told my therapist what you said and she's gonna call your therapist and you're in big trouble
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@JustDontBugMe: [Secret Meeting] God: We need to create something Magical Angel: Yes, Sir G: Call it Unicorn A: *Tries and fails G: Call it rhinoceros
@BCMontgo: [commercial for pants] *naked guy attempts to put phone in pocket, falls on floor, cracks screen* There has to be a better way!
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
@Vodkantots: Did you know that you can get kicked out of a gym for using a laser to point out areas people should work on? Well, you can.