@KyleMcDowell86: I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts.
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@GuyThe_Guy: My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat.
@daemonic3: [interview] What's your greatest weakness? ME: Probably avoiding tough questions Can you elaborate on that? ME: Oh hey look at the time!
@hythemafia: Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
@daemonic3: [at Waldo's trial] Judge: Jury, how do you find the defendant? Jury: We the jury find the defendant by looking in the top left of the page