@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes? Her: No. Besides, my eyes are blue. Me: No wonder nobody's ever told you...
@KevinFarzad: I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case 17 people break in and wanna play baseball
@Cheeseboy22: Apparently my 6yo old son went to school with a Spiderman costume under his clothes. The students of Edison Elementary are safe today.