@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.
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@protolalia: I'm 39 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
@ermahgarton: I don't really have a "blood type." I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.
@dave_cactus: "Your finest Scotch, please." "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
@Sir_Strange: *sends you a pic of a kitten* *you reply, "Awe"* *face melts* *responds, "We've been over this already, it's "Aww"* *deletes your number*