@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.
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@UnFitz: "Sorry" seems to be the hardest word? There's "Worcestershire," "anemone" & "otorhinolaryngologist." But whatever.
@Dallani: One time, I broke my iPhone and for 2 days I had to tweet from my Macbook like a God-dammed homeless person I don't like to talk about it
@conanobrienswyf: Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.
@Boba_Photo: I got a candy bar from the hotel mini bar if you're wondering why I'll be late with the mortgage this month.