@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.
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@Book_Krazy: 911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks
@Rollmaninoz: [pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no
@Quartzjixler: Don't be silly! A kid's name doesn't affect the type of person they become. Now come and hold my sweet baby Lucifer Charles Manson Hitler.
@nPhelendriqal: Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
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