@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.
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@NinjaFuneral: Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
@Scott_A_Gilmore: I gave up and "folded" the fitted sheet into a rope so I could shimmy down from the 3rd floor to escape folding laundry.
@squirrel74wkgn: *pounding on her chest* DON'T DIE ON ME KAREN! *pounds harder* (sobbing) BREATHE DAMMIT! CPR instructor: Ok, so that was wrong.