@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that she was sounding like her mother and I realized that was a mistake after I regained consciousness.
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@SocialustGal13: Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Guess they don't like random people coming up to their door.
@Mikecanrant: I just farted real loud and my car alarm went off. Some guy is stealing it but I wanted you guys to know about my fart. Be right back.
@IntrepidDeviant: What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?
@DothTheDoth: The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.