@UrCajunKuzin: I told myself that I wouldn't drink today, but nobody ever listens to me.
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@beckyiniowa: My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother's cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species.
@juliussharpe: I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs.
@ohpeetie: 10: What's it like being a grown up? Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly
@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.