@KenJennings: I told the kids if they're not good we're flying United this summer.
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@SortaBad: "I'm dreaming about mashed potatoes" Oh because Thanksgiving is tomorrow "No, just a normal mashed potato dream like usual"
@samlymatters: Whenever my friends make drunk plans for brunch, I always feel like a shark tank judge. I’m like “You have no real plan, I’ve seen this idea fall apart before, and I know for a fact that you don’t have the money. For these reasons, I am out.”