@KenJennings: I told the kids if they're not good we're flying United this summer.
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@ibid78: "Pick a pencil. Look at it. Now put it back with the other pencils. Was your pencil the number 2?"-Steve, shitty pencil magician
@BradBroaddus: I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.
@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I saw a questionable mole on this girl I like. How do I tell her without letting her know I hid a camera in her shower?
@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD