@lisaxy424: I told this cashier she kinda looked like Lorde, and as I was walking out, heard the lady behind me assure her she did not look like Jesus.
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@UnderTheJewFro: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm not a stupid person. I have a college degree. But I'll never understand how a fan can collect so much dust when it's constantly moving.
@djdarrellripley: Her: All the men have jackets on. Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you? Me: You bought me a ski jacket Her: Skiing is a sport!
@BuckyIsotope: Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased