@nursemella: I told you to pick up a slow cooker... All I see when I look in the kitchen is a turtle wearing a chefs hat
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@markhoppus: i appreciate the song "the boys are back in town" because it answers the age-old question: are the boys back in town y/n?
@shahnischmani: Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, "doesn't your family miss you?"
@SissiSay: Im gonna tell my daughter to lay off the liquor, cause I love her! (...and I dont want her to mess up her kidneys before I need one)
@KentWGraham: Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.