@huntigula: I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LackOfShame: Sorry I ate all your cake after you passed out and then drew your angry eyebrows on so you'd be ready to discuss it when you woke up.
@Thee1_4U: My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me.
@SteveKoehler22: If you use a wrong word in a tweet and a grammar nazi loses his shit- Try these consoling words : "Their, there, they're. It'll be okay"
@TheToddWilliams: [creation] GOD: You each have a gift WORM: What's mine? G: You…spin silk BEE: How bout me? G: Uh…make honey HIPPO: And me? G: Hm…eat marbles