@joeljeffrey: I took my cat to Build-A-Bear so he could see what's going to happen to him if he pees on the carpet again.
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@drinksmcgee: They say that ones who hurt you the most also love you the most which means that this clown standing over me with an axe must love me a lot.
@nayele18maybe: I’ve never applied makeup while driving, but I have eaten an entire rotisserie chicken.
@l0ttiehall: Donald Trump said he thinks we made the right decision to leave the EU. This confirms that we absolutely did not make the right decision.
@Sickayduh: This girl won't stop crying because I told her that selfie filters wear off in 6 months.