@DirtMcTurd: I took my family out to an authentic Chinese restaurant. My wife and I had chow mein and my daughter built 3 iPhones
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@AimeeHelene1: *thumb wrapped in giant bandage* CW: Oh my God, what happened? Me: Never challenge a hitchhiker to a thumb war.
@Jesssicle: I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.
@ch000ch: [time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]