@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
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@pjux: "How do you speak such good English?" "I dunno 200 years of colonialism and eurocentric education, how do you know so little history?"
@LurkAtHomeMom: *Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go.
@BuckyIsotope: BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire ME: wouldn't it explode into flames as soon as the sun hit it then? BILLY: shut up *runs off crying*
@amishschool: My wife yelled, "This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over.