@juliussharpe: I took over 50,000 steps today by taping my fitness bracelet to my Roomba.
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@RBColl: Have you ever looked at someone's phone's selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?
@ONHERPERlOD: Why are middle school girls skipping the awkward stage & going straight to pretty? No no, you get braces &wear blue eyeshadow. Do your time.
@InThaBurbs: Taking my sunglasses out of 2's hands while he naps in the car is the closest I will come to diffusing a bomb.
@heymonroe: Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.