@juliussharpe: I took over 50,000 steps today by taping my fitness bracelet to my Roomba.
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@KentWGraham: A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won’t feel a thing."
@jake_lach: <-----Will never confess the actual number of house cats he's forced outdoors when the owner wasn't looking
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream