@juliussharpe: I took over 50,000 steps today by taping my fitness bracelet to my Roomba.
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@Kyle_Lippert: I'm such a disaster that 9/11 and The Titanic would go out on a date together and watch a movie about me.
@JMFnSparks: If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him Sparta, that way I can introduce him as "This is SPARTA!!!"
@Xoolun: These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.