@thenatewolf: I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
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@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
@Michael_Erhart: There's that girl again. Time to impress her. *Rolls down the window blasting a science podcast*
@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar *throws flashlight at him *misses *throws another *misses *throws another *misses *throws another Burglar: WTF Me: COSTCO
@TankCesar: How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen? Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....