@C00LpenNAME: I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name
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@solommb: My car has the innate super power of knowing when I have any extra money and spontaneously breaking down.
@schmittsteve: - Dracula darling, you have something stuck in your teeth. - Vhere, here? - No... - Here? - No, just go look in- - GO LOOK IN WHAT, SARAH?
@WetzelGeek: Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.
@SJSchauer: Mom: if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Me, friendless: rub it in a little more, Judy