@JosesLovesYou: "I totally nailed that guy" - Roman soldiers
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@TheTweetOfGod: When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they've been lying.
@Betfairpoker: I had a fight once. "You should see the other guy!" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple.
@JamieGreenlees: Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's.