@JosesLovesYou: "I totally nailed that guy" - Roman soldiers
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@mdob11: Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
@sarcasm_inc: I would dress like Batman more often, but I cant run the risk of giant aliens invading and mistaking me for a large Pez dispenser.
@DanMentos: "Dave just showed up" Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations? *Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF "Yeah I dunno"