@Blondiethegood: I totally owned the mosh pit at the One Direction concert last night.
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@thegreatnanak: I was walking on the beach with my gf until my drugs wore off and I realised that I was dragging around a stolen mannequin.
@Home_Halfway: ME: Hey congrats, I hear you're pregnant CLIENT: Yes, thank you! ME: *trying to think of a good power move* Many species eat their young
@MichaelTrying: How many times does it have to be aliens before Scully believes? How many times does it have to be a guy in a mask before Shaggy doesn't?
@jonnysun: job interview tip: show up wearig the exact same thing as ur interveiwer, whispre "dress for the job u want, right?" then just stare at them