@Xoolun: I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.
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@GrillinChillin9: Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog.
@themiltron: scientist 1: how did you discover that dolphins have sex for pleasure? scientist 2: [flashback to the craziest night of their life] math
@batkaren: I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks.
@pleatedjeans: Wife: did you know there's an "I hate Jeff" group that meets in the park? Me: yes I started it I am the president